My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
