My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize