K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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