I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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