I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
