I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
