Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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