we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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