I'm jealous of your bromance
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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