I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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