she was so not down for the gang bang
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
