All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
