When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
