dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bring me that man meat
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
