Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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