she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
