I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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