i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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