Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
