Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
