Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
