I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
