He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
