just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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