I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
