tell your sister to shave her snatch
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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