This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They have beer where we have blood.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
