lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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