after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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