I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
