Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
