Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
