Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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