Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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