life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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