I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
