i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
