I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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