im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
