Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
