TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
