I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
