you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
