Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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