I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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