My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
