I just threw up on my dentist
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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