and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
