So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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