It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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