I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
