Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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