is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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