can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
