Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
