you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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