"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
