Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
