When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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