The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
