A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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