I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
