...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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