Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
