There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
