Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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