Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
