Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
