My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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