ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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