Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
