I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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