the new term for farting is butt boxing.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
