Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
