How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize