Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize