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• (810): View more from Michigan

  So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I want your puppy

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I meant pussy

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I would rather you take my puppy

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.

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• (619): View more from California

  Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath

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• (818): View more from California

  I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.

  (310): View more from California

  I look forward to it

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• (707): View more from California

  It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now

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