Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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