So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
