I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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