a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
