when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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